{"id":2543,"date":"2014-10-04T18:28:04","date_gmt":"2014-10-04T16:28:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/morningfog.de\/?p=2543"},"modified":"2014-10-04T18:28:04","modified_gmt":"2014-10-04T16:28:04","slug":"an-put-some-ding-dongs-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/?p=2543","title":{"rendered":"„An put some Ding Dongs in…“"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"dingdong\"<\/a>Weil es vielleicht noch nicht alle auf Facebook mitbekommen haben: Kate hat vollkommen unerwartet ihr Tour-Tagebuch im englischen Forum ver\u00f6ffentlicht. Womit jetzt auch klar w\u00e4re, dass die Set-List von Bertie stammt, ebenso wie die Anregung, Prologue umzuschreiben. Leider \u00e4u\u00dfert sie sich(noch) nicht zu ihren Pl\u00e4nen f\u00fcr die Zukunft.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

[warning]Kate’s Tour Diary 2014[\/warning]<\/h1>\n
More \u00bb<\/div>
\n

 <\/p>\n

1st January 2014<\/b><\/div>\n
Woke up feeling a bit meh. I ask Bertie if I should do some live shows. He says \u2018no\u2019, he\u2019s got his exams coming up. So that\u2019s that decided.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
2nd January<\/b><\/div>\n
Realise Bertie hasn\u2019t got any exams at all, so I ask him again if I should do some live shows. He just says \u2018no thanks\u2019. Teenagers, eh? No sense of adventure.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
3rd January<\/b><\/div>\n
\u2018Bertie\u2019, I say, while correcting his homework, \u2018are you sure it wouldn\u2019t be fun do some live shows?\u2019<\/div>\n
\u2018No, definitely not\u2019, he says, and gets back to his singing lessons. (What a waste of money they are!)<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
4th January<\/b><\/div>\n
\u2018Bertie, shall I do some live shows? And sense the tone!\u2019<\/div>\n
\u2018OK mum. Now will you get off me, please?\u201d<\/div>\n
Great! At last I\u2019m persuaded to do some live shows.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
4th January\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n
I\u2019m doing some live shows. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! I must be mad.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
5th January<\/b><\/div>\n
I am officially mad. One of Bertie\u2019s friends, Mark Radcliffe, came round as I was sitting in the corner of the kitchen rocking from side to side muttering \u2018live shows \u2013 live shows\u2019 over and over. I don\u2019t think he sussed anything unusual.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
5th January (even later)<\/b><\/div>\n
I\u2019m doing some live shows. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Bet I can\u2019t sleep tonight.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
6th January<\/b><\/div>\n
Slept like a log. Even though I\u2019m not sure what songs to do yet.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
7th January (the early hours)<\/b><\/div>\n
\u201cBertie\u201d, I say, \u201cwhat songs shall I do?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAll of them\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cOK, love.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
7th January (a bit later)<\/b><\/div>\n
\u201cWon\u2019t that be a long concert?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cNothing from the first 4 albums then.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cRight\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd nothing from that one with Hitler and Grandad.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cRight\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd that last album was a bit boring, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cSo, just from 3 of my albums then?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYeh, but not much from 1 of them.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cOK\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYou like that one about running, and the one about Elvis Costello isn\u2019t bad. Do those and a few others. Maybe all one side of an album so you don\u2019t have to think about the running order.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cGood idea.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd put some Ding Dongs in. People like Ding Dongs.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cGreat.\u201d<\/div>\n
So, that\u2019s the set list sorted.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
8th January<\/b><\/div>\n
Bertie says I need to call the show something. He was thinking \u2018Bertie & Friends\u2019 but I\u2019m not convinced. Told him I\u2019ll sleep on it and come up with something f*cking awesome before the dawn.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
9th January<\/b><\/div>\n
Come up with a brilliant name for the show: \u201cF*cking Awesome\u201d.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
10th January<\/b><\/div>\n
Look round a couple of venues. One\u2019s a dump and the other\u2019s a palace. Buckingham Palace. My good friend, Helen Mirren, wasn\u2019t in, but I spoke to one of her slaves, who seemed a little confused as to why I would want to hold a concert there. \u201cSaves me touring,\u201d I say, \u201cplus I can pop home on the tube each night and the wallpaper\u2019s nice.\u201d There was no need to set the corgis on me.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
11th January<\/b><\/div>\n
Returned to the dump. Suppose with a lick of paint, some mood lighting and a complete refurbishment, it\u2019ll do. Nobody will be interested anyway. I\u2019ll only be on a couple of nights.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
3rd February<\/b><\/div>\n
Been told loads of people are interested and to do 15 nights. Who do they think I am? Kylie F*cking Minogue? I\u2019m never going to sell out 15 nights.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
27th March<\/b><\/div>\n
Sell out 15 nights and add another 7. It\u2019s going to kill me. Whose idea was this? I blame bloody Bertie.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
31st May<\/b><\/div>\n
Had a quiet couple of months, eating and planning a holiday. September is a nice time to get away. Glad Bertie talked me out of doing any live shows. Can you imagine?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
1st June<\/b><\/div>\n
Just been told the live dates are in September and I agreed to them. That\u2019s put a dampener on any holiday plans. Apparently, I need to rehearse and think about lights. Do I have to do everything??? I\u2019ll have a think.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
4th June<\/b><\/div>\n
Had a think. Nothing too complicated, I say, just a representation of the North Sea, a few huge paintings that change colour, a house that rocks from side to side, 5 backing singers but one slightly out of time with the others, a helicopter sweeping down into the audience, and someone turning into a bird. Bertie says why don\u2019t I sit at the piano and sing a couple of songs about coral and ivy? He\u2019ll be telling me to do it in bare feet next.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
17th June<\/b><\/div>\n
Decide to do it in bare feet. And have asked renowned amateur theatre director Adrian Mole to help with the theatrics. And the cast. And the scenery. And the costumes. And the lights. And if he could find a few musicians. And some cake. But I don\u2019t want him to think he\u2019s taking over. After all, this is MY show.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
3rd July<\/b><\/div>\n
Went to rehearsal today. Everyone seems to know what they\u2019re doing so I only stayed 10 minutes and wished them luck.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
4th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Apparently, people are expecting me to be in the bloody thing. I thought it was just going to be some singers doing my songs, a few dancers dressed as fish, and a showcase for Bertie! Checked my diary and crossed out the planned new album, Best of DVD, TV special and world cruise. Need to do some serious rehearsing.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
5th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Did some serious rehearsing. Sang two of my favourite songs \u2013 the one about Bertie and Like a Virgin. Turns out we\u2019re not doing either of those and I didn\u2019t even write one of them.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
6th July<\/b><\/div>\n
This week I am spending 3 days under water for absolutely no reason other than to catch a cold. Is it too late to do all The Dreaming instead?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
9th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Decide to do all The Dreaming instead. Except Sat In Your Lap. Danny says people will expect at least one hit. I told him, they should have released Suspended In Gaffa like I wanted, and go back to rehearsing the bit in the show where a swallow turns into a plane at night and carries me off to Ireland.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
11th July<\/b><\/div>\n
The Dreaming isn\u2019t working. Apparently we\u2019re over budget on silver Buddhas and Yankee hash, and the band aren\u2019t happy changing into mules. I ditch the whole concept and sulk. Next there\u2019ll be telling me I can\u2019t have rolls of gaffa tape plummeting from the ceiling and a bunch of kangaroos banging against van bonnets.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
12th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Apparently, I can\u2019t. Will have to make do with a few top quality musicians. Wonder what Genesis are up to.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
13th July<\/b><\/div>\n
As I want full control of this show, I start thinking about the merchandise. Make a few mugs in my private kiln, hand-paint a scene that makes no sense but I\u2019ll just print 250 and charge a fortune for them, and iron some feathers on to a t-shirt. Nobody will want to buy the bloody things anyway.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
14th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Just realised how much this show is going to cost! Cancelled the 500 individually themed blackbirds turning to dust at the end of Sunset, and told Danny he\u2019ll have to stay at home and look after the dog. We can\u2019t afford a sitter.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
15th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Today the caterers told me the hospitality hampers only cost \u00a31.50 to put together, so I\u2019ve told them to look for cheaper plonk. Ker-bloody-ching!<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
16th July<\/b><\/div>\n
Choose 24 songs to do for the encore.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
17th July<\/b><\/div>\n
The encore is now longer than the show, so just doing 2 songs. One at the piano and one about a yo-yo. Some older people in the audience might remember that one, so if I forget the words, they can sing along.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
17th August<\/b><\/div>\n
This sh!t got real. We open in a few days and nothing\u2019s ready! Bertie\u2019s voice has finally broken, which means I\u2019ll have to write him a new song really quickly, so it might not be any good; the fish people\u2019s fish heads are just fish bones so there won\u2019t be time to put any fish flesh on them; that bloody wooden puppet is getting on everyone\u2019s t*ts and is very close to being part of a big new bonfire scene I\u2019m planning; and the brass band medley of Wuthering Heights, Breathing and Ken just doesn\u2019t work. Plus, the scene change took 3 hours so I\u2019ll have to put something in to fill the time. Maybe ask a writer. What\u2019s Agatha Christie up to?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
20th August<\/b><\/div>\n
Want to connect with the audience and have everyone looking directly at me, so have banned cameras, phones and blind people. It\u2019s an intimate space, slightly smaller than my front room, and I want people to notice everything, especially how good I am. The cannon should wake the buggers up, and the bit where they carry me to the ladies\u2019 loo in a chariot will be a nice rest.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
24th August<\/b><\/div>\n
Did a run through for some family and friends. I don\u2019t know whose family and friends they were, but they seemed to like it. I told them to keep quiet and not spoil any surprises, but most of them fell asleep as the show overran by 7 hours and I forgot to sing any hits.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
25th August<\/b><\/div>\n
Made a few adjustments to the show. Bertie\u2019s Shakespeare monologues and songs from Les Miserables have all been cut. There are only 2 trees dropping on to the stage instead of a forest. I\u2019m now doing Knees Up Mother Brown in the opening section. And Sky of Honey finishes with me just turning into a bird rather than the entire band being airlifted to the ceiling by Dynamo the Magician and then carried off by planets on sticks.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August<\/b><\/div>\n
Opening night! Thought I\u2019d be a bit nervous and wouldn\u2019t sleep well, but I only got up to be sick 5 times and to go to the toilet twice.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (10am)<\/b><\/div>\n
Got there early and took a selfie outside the venue. Danny wants one to prove I\u2019m actually there.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (2pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Had a quick warm up with the band. Lonnie Donegan sounds really good on the skiffle, and percussionist Mino Cinelu is awesome. I think he used to be in the Bay City Rollers.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (7pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Just had a quick look out front. Some people have turned up after all. And I\u2019m sure that\u2019s Lily Allen taking a photo. She can feck off. What have I said?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (7.44pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
There\u2019s a minute to go and I\u2019m getting a little concerned where the rest of the band are.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (7.46pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Apparently, my watch is slow and they\u2019re on stage waiting for me. I thought I recognised the beginning of Lily. Better get this over with then.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (8.20pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Just tweeted that the show is going well as I get changed into my life jacket. Luckily nobody knows my Twitter name. Or follows me.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (8.45pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
This sketch goes on far too long.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (9.10pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Just been carried off stage by a load of creepy fish people. Must remember the words to The Morning Fog. I always cry at that bit.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (9.25pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
It\u2019s the interval. Seems to be going well. And I\u2019ve only smoked 70 cigarettes so holding it together OK.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (10pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Bertie\u2019s big number. Proud mum. (Might cut this tomorrow.)<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (10.31pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
That tree missed me by inches! Piano\u2019s f*cked though.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (10.40pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
Very quiet when I was singing Robbie Williams\u2019 Angels. Think everyone\u2019s nodded off.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (10.59pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
That was AMAZING! Never had an experience liked it. Everyone was clapping and cheering and nobody took any pictures. And I remembered all the words. And the tunes. Even to the songs I didn\u2019t know (the one about Joni Mitchell, something about a bird). \u00a0And I didn\u2019t bump into anyone. And the scenery didn\u2019t break down, or any door fall off, or lights fail to come on. I don\u2019t care what anyone says. I rock. Still, glad it\u2019s over.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th August (11.05pm)<\/b><\/div>\n
What do you mean, I have to do it all again tomorrow and 20 more times after that? I\u2019m bloody knackered!!<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
27th August<\/b><\/div>\n
Not reading any newspapers. I don\u2019t mind what they think of the show; I just don\u2019t want to read any spoilers.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
28th August<\/b><\/div>\n
Apparently, I don\u2019t do Wuthering Heights. What a rip off. Ha!<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
31st August<\/b><\/div>\n
I\u2019ve almost broken some record and have 11 albums in the Top 50. I have no idea what this means but really want to find the people who have had more.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
31st August (later)<\/b><\/div>\n
Bloody Elvis and The Beatles. But where are they now, eh? Eh?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
2nd September<\/b><\/div>\n
Get up early and go to Snap Galleries. Supposed to be some sort of photo exhibition but all I could see was a load of mirrors. Bought a book and a very nice Italian man signed it for me. Will have to buy another now that isn’t defaced.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
2nd September (later)<\/b><\/div>\n
Sat writing my diary in Starbucks and joined by two lovely men from a little village called Manchester. One of them, tall and bald, kept distracting me while the other, short and bald, seemed to be taking some pictures. I hope they weren’t of my diary. People will never believe this sh!t. Especially as I write it a month in advance,<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
3rd September<\/b><\/div>\n
Up all night trying to stop my house crumbling into the sea. Jammed a Mars Bar into the lighting rig so I could have an early night. Some clever sod managed to fix it and we had to do the whole show anyway. And we over-ran, which meant I had to put an extra 50p in the parking meter. This show is costing me a fortune. Still, rescued the Mars Bar, so it’s not all bad news.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
6th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Took all the costumes home to wash. The blackbird wings wouldn\u2019t fit in the tumble dryer, so I had to peg out. Then spent ages trying to get Bertie\u2019s dirty shirty clean.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
10th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Can\u2019t believe all the celebrities coming to see how brilliant I am: Paul McCartney from Wings, Andrew Lloyd Webber from Evita, Ant and Dec from the telly, Monty from the Forum (apparently 11 times so far, which is good going as we\u2019ve only done 10 shows). Sexy Daniel Craig turned up, so I put an extra seat in the front row for him. Not very sexy Elton John came without a ticket, so I made him stand at the side. Still not heard anything from Rolf, mind.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
11th September<\/b><\/div>\n
He\u2019s where? The dirty bugger!<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
12th September<\/b><\/div>\n
So-called celebrities who have asked for free tickets include Bob Dylan, Bob Geldof, Bob Marley, Bob the Builder, and God. I told them to join the standby queue. Cheeky sods.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
13th September<\/b><\/div>\n
The shows seem to be going down well. At least people will leave me alone now.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
14th September<\/b><\/div>\n
What do you mean, they want a DVD? Bloody hell, are people never happy?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
16th\/17th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Get a few cameras in and point them in the general direction of the stage. That\u2019ll make everyone think there\u2019s going to be a DVD release and then I\u2019ll say I\u2019m cancelling it because I\u2019m not happy with the quality. Worked last time.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
20th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Can\u2019t believe I\u2019m missing Strictly cos of this bloody show.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
23rd September<\/b><\/div>\n
Who decided on 22 dates? Next time I\u2019m doing a maximum of 3.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
24th September<\/b><\/div>\n
What do I mean, next time? What bloody next time? Took everyone out after the show for a slap up meal at Nando\u2019s.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
26th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Bit of a faux pas with the electrics. Bertie wanted to charge his new bendy iPhone and I wanted my heated rollers on. We both plugged in the same time and BOOM! Big power cut, everyone panicking, couldn\u2019t even see if any celebs were in. Disaster. Did the show and finished late. Good job it\u2019s Saturday tomorrow.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
27th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Saturday. Called a full band rehearsal at 8am. Last night, there was definitely a semitone clash between me and one of the band at some point during Prologue. These things have to be right.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
29th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Get a letter off a pub called The Swan asking if I can do a few more dates as their bar profits have been phenomenal. Apparently someone called Martin Parker is responsible. Perhaps I\u2019ll go in before tomorrow\u2019s show and try their burgers.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
30th September<\/b><\/div>\n
Decide not to go to the Swan, as people might start talking to me. Send Danny to Tesco for 20 Silk Cut and house insurance. He comes back with thousands of Q magazines. That’ll make sure nobody gets a copy.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
1st October<\/b><\/div>\n
It\u2019s the last night. Bought a few presents and wrapped them up. I like having something to open after the show.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
1st October (later)<\/b><\/div>\n
Everyone\u2019s getting a bit emotional. Even the puppet cried in rehearsal.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
1st October (later)<\/b><\/div>\n
Think I managed to thank everyone. Over and over. Many, many times.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
1st October (later still)<\/b><\/div>\n
Bit of a late one. Decided to do an extra encore. Most of the audience thought I\u2019d finished and had gone home. Honestly, Moments of Pleasure, Never Be Mine and Shoedance never sounded better. Ask the cleaners. And the people taking down the set.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
2nd October<\/b><\/div>\n
On Ebay all day trying to flog a load of bird masks and fish heads. No takers.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
3rd October<\/b><\/div>\n
Woke up feeling a bit meh. What to do next\u2026.<\/div>\n
<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n

\u00a9 IanT21’s aus dem englischen Forum<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Weil es vielleicht noch nicht alle auf Facebook mitbekommen haben: Kate hat vollkommen unerwartet ihr Tour-Tagebuch im englischen Forum ver\u00f6ffentlicht. Womit jetzt auch klar w\u00e4re, dass die Set-List von Bertie stammt, ebenso wie die Anregung, Prologue umzuschreiben. Leider \u00e4u\u00dfert sie sich(noch) nicht zu ihren Pl\u00e4nen f\u00fcr die Zukunft. [warning]Kate’s Tour Diary 2014[\/warning] \u00a9 IanT21’s aus … <\/p>\n

Weiterlesen<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,45],"tags":[464,463,465],"class_list":["post-2543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-allgemein","category-kreativ","tag-bertie","tag-ding-dong","tag-tagebuch","item-wrap"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2543","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2543"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2543\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2547,"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2543\/revisions\/2547"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2543"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2543"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morningfog.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2543"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}